How to party
Turn up the music and slip into something fun. From cocktails to party coaches, hosting to raving, etiquette, inspiration and Irish exits, this is the InStyle guide to good times.
On a Saturday night in October, word spread around Sydney’s eastern suburbs that the bartenders from a cool new nightspot had set up shop at a house party. There, on a crowded communal terrace in Bondi, they were mixing chilli margaritas. Never mind the ice buckets filled with bottles of inoffensive pinot gris and cans of Bizzarro Spritz; people were paying $23 a cocktail.
Like most things in the world, the state of partying today can be traced back to 2020, when we retreated inwards and discovered the joys of not waiting for Ubers on dimly lit street corners at two o’clock in the morning. Birthdays and weddings were postponed so many times that we realised we didn’t actually want to go, and when restrictions finally lifted, the collective will to cram like sardines onto a sticky dance floor had weakened. That said, some people hypothesised that another Roaring ’20s was nigh, a return to decadence and reckless abandon, because if the world is burning, why not see it out to the strains of Chappell Roan?
In the face of political turmoil and economic uncertainty, this spirit of old-world excess and hedonism has never quite cut through. Though instead, we’re experiencing a vibe shift. Clubs are fewer and farther between, but the people who inhabit them still go hard – and for everyone else, partying is becoming more considered (as Kim Cattrall once said, “I don’t want to be in a situation for even an hour where I’m not enjoying myself”), and often more intimate (if not in size, then in feel). “I’ve noticed a huge trend back to house parties rather than going out-out,” says table stylist Samantha Picard. “It’s nostalgic because it reminds me of my uni days, but this time around a lot of people are putting in a more elevated effort. That might be hiring a bartender and some waitstaff to serve up drinks in your kitchen – an elite martini at a house party is a joy that is parallel to none – or even hiring a DJ to play in your living room.”
The thing about the house party 2.0 is that it doesn’t necessarily need to be in a house. Charli XCX threw a party for Brat at Pop Never Dies at The Lexington in north London, which, according to the night’s founder Matthew Kent, was meant to feel “like the best house party you’ve ever been to – where your friend has the aux cord and you’re all listening to the songs you love together. It’s just not in a house… We play the saddest Phoebe Bridgers song in the club, and everyone is screaming along, some people are having emotional meltdowns and crying, and that’s kind of what we want – emotional catharsis surrounded by people who understand you.” The nightspot fills a clever niche: because everybody wants to go to a house party, but nobody really wants to host one.
Partying is also no longer just for traditional party girls and boys. You can do it sober. You can go to elder millennial dance parties at 3pm, where everyone sways to early noughties pop. Similarly, in the US, Earlybirds Club hosts dance parties for women, trans and non-binary folk that are over by 10pm, designed for “ladies who got shit to do in the morning”. Meanwhile, late-night chess clubs, like LA Chess Club, double as social singles parties. Bingo nights for under-35s strike parallels with warehouse raves. Even party buses are back sans cringey connotations, with DJs in New York turning night-time shuttle trips into pumping block parties. Supper clubs are sweeping Australia; Pasta Club, Club Sup and Arlo Communal mix good food with eclectic guest lists and a sense of unpredictability – all important elements of parties. And sex parties continue to pop up in private lofts and secret clubs; they’re still elusive and exclusive, but more widely accessible to a new and curious audience, with an emphasis not just on horny free-for-alls, but on consent, comfort and safety.
But what if we’ve forgotten how to party? How to talk/flirt/connect and just have good old-fashioned fun? You could get a mentor, like Evan Cudworth, aka The Party Coach, who helps clients overcome social anxiety and emerge from behind their phones – something we could all probably take a lesson in. Because the biggest threat to the spirit of partying today is that it’s all become too curated, too performative. “I think for better or worse, people are more aware that when they host, it will probably feature on guests’ social media, so they try to curate an atmosphere that is as aesthetic as it is fun,” says Picard. “On TikTok, I’ve seen a rise in cookbook clubs among friend groups that are as well designed as a brand event, and hen’s nights that come with matching merch for the photo moments. A lot of trends we see at weddings or PR events are being filtered down to the average girl dinner.”
Should hosts start enforcing phone bans, then, to stir up some mystery akin to a fashion show by The Row or, even better, a little preinternet chaos? “Who am I to tell people what’s acceptable in life?” asks Sydney party girl Miss Double Bay. “But honestly, the best parties in my eyes are the ones where you wake up and realise you didn’t take a single photo the night before.”
Picard concurs. “My favourite party I went to this year was an incredible villa party in Ibiza where upon arrival, everyone had to put their phones in envelopes and leave them with a receptionist. It was the most fun I had all year.”
And with predictions that in a few years we might all be wearing VR headsets, sitting on our couches while pretending to mingle on dance floors, the collective will to cram up like sardines – or at least to leave the house and play some bingo – will lift. Oh, to be messy, wild and free; to party like nobody’s watching.
THE NEW RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
Heading to a party? Know what counts for best behaviour before you get there. These industry insiders can help.
“Do not arrive early! Aim for five to 10 minutes past the designated start time. I genuinely believe that arriving early is the number one cardinal sin of attending a party. Give your host those final few minutes to prepare – it’s courteous and avoids unnecessary awkwardness.” - JODIE BACHE-MCLEAN, June Dally-Watkins etiquette school
“The most common etiquette mistake, in my opinion, is definitely the playlist hogs. You know, those are usually the same folks who keep requesting the DJ to play ‘Levels’ by Avicii for the hundredth time.” - MISS DOUBLE BAY
“I hate it when people come to a party and only talk to the people they know. I understand that meeting new people can be daunting, but I think it’s so important. Plus, they haven’t heard your best dinner party stories yet so it’s an easy audience.” - SAMANTHA PICARD, table stylist
“As Alison Roman says, the best thing you can bring to a house party is ice. I often pick up fun skinny cigarettes and extra bottles of seltzer, too. Sometimes those little things are more helpful than bringing another dessert.” - EMILY SUNDBERG, writer and director
On not talking about religion or politics: “As long as it’s a healthy discussion, people should be able to talk about what they want.” - BIANCA MARCHI, Anyday hospitality
“If it’s a formal party, like a seated dinner, you must stay until the end. If it’s a cocktail party, then departing politely after an hour is sufficient, while also thanking the host prior to leaving.” - BIANCA DE CANDIA, luxury event manager
“If you use filters and take a photo of me, please apply the filter to my face, too! If you’re going to look fabulously fabulous, I’d like to look just as good.” - JODIE BACHE-MCLEAN
On bringing a plus-one: “It should be assumed that a solo guest will bring a party-partner. It’s fine, unless this plus-one is a divisive person who may rub people the wrong way or is an ex of someone who may be in attendance.” - PAT STEVENSON, photographer and DJ
“A host should address any inappropriate behaviour privately and tactfully, ensuring that the matter is handled discreetly to maintain a comfortable environment for all attendees.” - AMANDA KING, etiquette expert
“Show up with your game face on! And remember that the world doesn’t revolve around you, so make sure to ask questions and uncover some common interests. Get out of your own head and actually connect – no one wants to hear you talk about yourself all night.” - MISS DOUBLE BAY
“RSVP, people!” - BIANCA DE CANDIA
Is it okay to take photos and videos at a party? “On a dance floor I would really avoid it – it takes people out of the moment and the anonymity offered by the crowd. When you’re with a smaller group – such as in a bathroom cubicle, or in a smoking area, or around a dinner table – it depends on your closeness with the other people in the room as to whether it’s appropriate to begin photographing. When watching a performer who invites being observed, that is a different thing.” - TILLY LAWLESS, author and sex worker
“Consent is sexy. Ask first, post later, stay in the moment and immerse yourself in the vibes – social media can wait but the present moment cannot. Also, you avoid the risk of a post that could get you/another guest in hot water.” - Eve Speciall, DJ and music director
“I think the famous party rule of ‘everything in moderation’ applies to pictures as well. I personally hate when I’m at a party and people take a 360-video of the entire room. 1. Such a millennial ick. 2. I don’t want to be in the background of some random Instagram Story captioned, ‘Sick night!’ or something. 3. Enjoy the moment. However, if there’s a cute aesthetic moment of the cake or decor, or you want to take a photo of your two best friends, go for it, and cherish the memories when scrolling through your videos on a longhaul flight and being nostalgic (or is that just me who does that?).” - SAMANTHA PICARD
“If you’re partaking in any kind of drug consumption (alcohol included), you should know yourself enough and be responsible enough that no one else has to look after you. Exceptions given for people under the age of 25, if you accidentally consume something or if you’re going through a life event of great emotional upheaval.” - TILLY LAWLESS
What’s the best way to follow up with someone you met at a party? “Find out what gym they work out at and then casually bump into them! Nothing like a little serendipity to keep the connection going – just don’t overdo it, or it might get weird.” - MISS DOUBLE BAY
“A handwritten note is the gold standard – it shows thoughtfulness and appreciation. I know some etiquette enthusiasts who prepare a thankyou note in advance and leave it in the host’s letterbox before they go home. Now that’s dedication!” - JODIE BACHE-MCLEAN
Beauty for BEFORE the party
There’s no better time to lean into all the fun and frivolity of beauty than the party season. Every swipe of shimmery highlighter, smudge of glittery eyeshadow and carefully applied layer of long-wearing lipstick is filled with promise, and perhaps a small release of inhibitions, too.
RIGHT: FIRST AID BEAUTY Whole Body Deodorant Cream, $30. MORPHE Dripglass in Hot Cocoa, $28 (part of set). HERMÈS Eye Pencil in Mordoré, $80. HALF MAGIC Glitterpuck in Dopamine Sparkle, $46. GUCCI Palette de Beauté Quatuor in Festive Glow, $123. SISLEY Phyto Noir Mascara, $100. CHANEL Enchanted Night Eyeshadow and Blush Palette, $142. PAT MCGRATH LABS Dramatique Mega Lip Pencil in Mauvemoiselle, $50.
Beauty for AFTER the party
The salve for a tired body and mind after a riotous occasion is deeply nourishing, unequivocally indulgent beauty care. Whether the minute you get home or the whole next day, the opportunity to marinate in self-care doesn’t happen enough in life. Seize the moment while you can.
LEFT: CLARINS Cryo-Flash Cream-Mask, $110. HAIR RITUEL BY SISLEY The Intense Nutrition Hair Care Mask, $180. SYNERGIE SKIN HyalaVive, $139. AUGUSTINUS BADER The Face Mist, $147. LA MER The Cool Micellar Water, $175. CHARLOTTE TILBURY Immediate Eye Revival Patches, $99. MURINE Clear Eyes, $11.70. RATIONALE #4 The Cleanser, $120.
HOW TO PARTY SOBER
These days, people are getting… creative with how they define the parameters of their sobriety. Alcohol may be on the out, but that doesn’t mean people aren’t having a good time.
Harsh techno music pulses through the vast, industrial building. It’s dark, with flashing red lights illuminating the sea of bodies writhing on the dance floor. They’re wearing, well, not much, to be honest. A lot of black. Harnesses. Mesh tops. Jeans and simple singlets. Eyes look slightly glazed over yet still piercing and alert. It’s an open secret that the toilets are for illicit substances. Booths are for fornication, or drugs, or both. None of these things will have anyone bat an eyelash at you. But start acting a bit lairy? Like a drunk kid who can’t handle their alcohol? You’re out. Because even at a place like Berghain – one of the world’s most famous, and famously exclusive, clubs – alcohol isn’t the vice of choice.
It would be simplistic to say today’s party-goers are going completely sober (although some definitely are), but they are becoming more creative with it. While they might swear off alcohol, other substances remain acceptable. Whether it’s ‘Berlin sober’ (you might take ketamine but are off alcohol) or ‘Cali sober’ (substitute ketamine for cannabis), people across the globe are ditching alcohol at the club. In Germany, the queer club SchwuZ now hosts a regular ‘sober party’, and techno festival Nation of Gondwana has a ‘sober bar’. Across the pond, according to new research published in the journal Addicted, the number of Americans who smoke cannabis on a daily or near-daily basis now exceeds those who drink alcohol as often. And here in Australia? Well, a recent wastewater report from the Australian Criminal Intelligence Commission found that based on sewage tests, Australians are consuming less alcohol and more ketamine. It follows the trend of decreasing alcohol consumption over the past few years, and while ketamine use is up, cannabis remains the most-used illicit substance. How we think about sobriety is changing as we understand the effects of booze and its ties to cancer, dementia, inflammation and other health issues. And that, in turn, is recalibrating how we interact with it at a club or house party.
It’s not just that people are opting for other substances over alcohol, per se, they’re just finding new ways to fit sobriety into their lives – which basically means going ‘cold turkey’ isn’t so much a thing anymore. Instead, ‘intermittent sobriety’ – where you treat drinking alcohol as a once-in- a-while indulgence, rather than something that’s part of your weekly or daily diet – has emerged as a trend. More and more gen Z are putting down the seltzer and picking up the non-alcoholic RTD. It’s part of the ‘sober curious’ movement, where 41 per cent of people in one survey said they wanted to drink less in 2024. None of this is surprising when you factor in the rising popularity of zero-alcohol alternatives. According to UK data firm IWSR, the industry saw 17 per cent growth in 2023, with a large majority of that consumer base being millennials and gen Z. Maybe it’s the result of everyone realising the hangover really isn’t worth it anymore, or perhaps they know when the party is really good, you want to be able to remember it the next day.
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